Taosism: Shit happens
Agnosticism: I don't know whether shit happens
Atheism: There is no shit
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you are BAD
Christian Science: Shit is in your mind
Confuzianism: Confuzius says "Shit happens"
Existentialism: What is shit anyway?
Hare Krishna: Shit happens rama rama
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening
Hinduism: This shit happened before
Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us
Mormonism: This shit is going to happen again
Moonies: Only happy shit really happens
Protestantism: Shit won't happen, if I work harder
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit
Seventh Day Adventism: No shit on Saturdays
Stoicism: This shit is good for me
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half the time.